Looking at the picture attached to this post I hardly recognize us. Newleyweds, just 2 days into the rest of our lives. That’s what we vowed. “For better, for worse” – Sure sign me up…what does that even mean? Madly in love, no house, no dogs, no kids, NO IDEA what we were getting into.
When I look at myself in that picture I can’t help but feel a little foolish. No, not just the shades, but the naivety. Content sitting on that rock with you in Pinawa thinking I know anything about love. At the time it seemed like I had it all figured out and looking back now I can say with confidence that I was just getting started. Love is easy at first. There is a feeling you get in when you first start seeing someone that can hardly be put into words. “To love and to cherish” – You can’t get enough of them. You want to absorb everything about them mentally and physically. It’s the best feeling in the world and sitting on that rock I believed that feeling would last forever.
Truth be told, it never really does.
Over time that feeling, that can only be described as love, it dissapates. It’s not gone but a comfort surrounds it like an airtight coccoon and inside only the strong survive. You still love each other but it’s harder in tight quarters and you learn things about each other that were always there, but seemed far away in the Young Love Stage. In the cocoon you breathe the same air. You have all the time in the world to absorb someone and if you are not careful, if you are not precise in how much they have to give, how much you have to give, it will certainly end in tragedy. It’s existing in this stage that I have really come to understand what it means to love you to the fullest – “for richer, for poorer”.
Existing together is a funny way to describe it because we often talk about these stretches of survival where we just move forward with our heads down. “To have and to hold” – Life has so many distractions that even in our little forever coccoon it can sometimes feel like I haven’t seen you in days. But I see you. I see you working hard on your career, I see you as a partner, and I see you with our kids. Sitting on that rock, I had no idea how much love you had to give until we had kids, or the amazing mother you would become. It’s a love that I never could have known.
I hope that you can see yourself like I see you.
20 years is a long time, but there was so much work to be done to get to the place we are today. I would be lying if I said it was easy. Raising our family together, “in sickness and in health”, is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It’s also been the most rewarding. I have learnt so much over those years about us that I can’t help but feel accomplished and proud. Grateful that you are still by my side, seeing me, and growing with me. I have never in my life felt as complete a person as I do today.
I would be speaking out of turn if I told you what comes next. “Till death do us part” I guess. It sounds pretty grim, but could you imagine a lifetime of getting to wake up every day next to the love of your life?
“I do.” – August 26, 2006




